Childhood Memories
by Spuffy4l87
Summary: Buffy remembers some things from her past that she has long forgotten...memories involving a certain bleach blonde. Why is he in them? What happens when she confronts him about it? Spuffy,Set during season 6 after "Hell Bells" and AU from there. Fluff.
1. The Carnival

**Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to the characters or the verse Joss created. I am simply here to entertain.**

Author's Note: Set after _Hell Bell's_ in Season 6. 

**Chapter 1: The Carnival**

I passed by my sister's room as I made my way down the hall to my own bedroom. Who would have thought just a year ago that this meant I was making my way to my mother's bedroom. I opened the door and entered the room where everything was as she'd kept it, besides my few possessions that now lay scattered over the top of her dresser and a few stakes and crosses that could now be found hidden throughout the room.

I flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. This past year of my life has been a never ending frenzy of demons and loss. Dawn had become a kleptomaniac, stealing from literally every shop in Sunnydale. Willow and Tara are no longer together; Willow had become addicted to magic, abusing it for so long that she can't even do simple spells anymore without craving more. Xander had left a devastated Anya at the altar. I never have seen her so devastated. Giles had left to go live somewhere in England, abandoning me and leaving us to fend for ourselves, and…

Spike.

I couldn't even say his name when I broke it off with him…I had to call him William…it was hard enough just looking at him. Actually, ever since I got back from Heaven, it feels as if _everything_ has become hard. What I wouldn't give to have some peace, to go back to a time when things were easy. A time when I would become Fiesta Queen or a time when my mother would just make everything better.

I glanced at the picture that my mom had placed on the end table by her bed. We are smiling together. I'm holding a wand of cotton candy and my stuffed pig, Mr. Gordo, while my mom is hugging me from behind and kissing me on the cheek. I just wish that things were like they used to be. I felt my eyes drift closed and I gave in to the sleep I so desperately needed.

"_Yes, I know there is a problem at the gallery, but I simply can't come in." Joyce tapped her foot on the kitchen tile while she listened to her co-worker on the other end. "Can't you get someone else to fix it?" Pause. "Just call the client and explain to him the situation."_

_Buffy walked into the kitchen sleepily, rubbed her eyes, and then gazed at her mother who was on the phone. She walked up to Joyce with Mr. Gordo, her new stuffed pig, in hand, and tried to get her mother's attention by tugging on her pants._ "_I understand that he's my client__…__" Joyce looked down at her six year old daughter. She placed a hand over the phone. "Not now__Buffy. This is a very important grown-up conversation." _

_Buffy pouted as her mother went on with her conversation. Her mom worked part time at an art gallery, but her dad worked every day. Sometimes he even worked weekends. When both of her parents had to work, Buffy's babysitter, Natasha, came over. Buffy liked Natasha because she played games and let her eat a ton of candy._

_She tugged on her mother's pant leg again, this time with a little more force. Her mother gave her "the look", which usually meant that if she didn't stop now, she would be in big trouble._

"_Yes, I understand, but I'm at home with my daughter and the babysitter is unavailable." Pause. "No, there is no one else…I will be there tomorrow when she goes to school." Pause. "Yes, I understand. Goodbye." Joyce sighed as she hung up the phone then ran her hands over her face and through her hair. _

_Buffy timidly tugged at her mom's leg_ _again then hugged her. Her mommy looked upset and whenever she got upset, Buffy liked to give her a hug. _

_Joyce smiled and hugged her daughter back. She kneeled down so she could look directly into her daughter's face. Buffy's smile reached her eyes, which were sparkling green._

"_Buffy? How about you and I go to the carnival that's here tonight? Wouldn't that be fun?" Joyce smiled as her daughter squealed with delight._

"_Mommy, can Mr. Gordo go too?" She looked almost afraid of the answer. _

"_Of course, honey!"_

_Joyce and Buffy strolled through the carnival hand and hand. They'd gotten there at about six o'clock when it first opened. The carnival was glowing with lights and fireworks, and held every ride and type of booth imaginable. Buffy, wearing a light green dress with pink flowers, was holding on to Mr. Gordo tightly. _

"_Mommy, can I have a corn dog?"_

_Joyce looked down at her daughter in shock. "Honey, you just had two things of cotton candy, a large coke, a soft pretzel, and a hamburger!"_

_Buffy giggled, "Yeah, but, Mommy, I want a corn dog!" and pointed to a big booth that was selling concessions. _

_Joyce considered her daughter for a moment before she nodded. Joyce's expression became stern. "Go over there," Joyce pointed to a picnic table. "Wait for me there and don't move!" _

_Buffy nodded, walked over, sat down at the picnic table and played with Mr. Gordo. Her eyes were attracted everywhere as the lights flashed or changed colors and people laughed and joked as they walked by. One particular couple stood out above the others. The man was the lightest blonde Buffy had ever seen. He was dressed from head to toe in black leather. The woman had dark eye make-up and a long maroon dress on. Her hair was dark brown and her nails were long and painted black. _

_Just as Buffy saw them, they saw her. The couple whispered to one another and started moving in her direction. _

_Buffy's eyes widened. She didn't like these people…they frightened her. For some reason, she felt that she had seen the man before. She focused on the man and stared into his blue eyes. Buffy immediately remembered. She had seen him before, but only in her dreams. Although, in the dreams, he had light brown hair and there was a red glow behind him. But, in another, he had girl's make-up around his eyes and a jean jacket on, yet his hair was the same color as it was now. Sometimes he looked like all the other scary men in her dreams, when he had yellow eyes and something was wrong with his face. While others he looked normal. _

"_Mr. Gordo? Are you afraid too?" Buffy snuggled closer to her stuffed pig. She searched for her mom, but the concession stand was blocked by a crowd of people. _

"_My, my, what's your name, pet?" The scary man smiled at her. She thought maybe he wasn't so scary, he smiled at her and she thought he was handsome, especially, his blue eyes. She always wanted blue eyes like the man in her dreams, but in her dreams his blue eyes were like ice, hard and cold. _

_Buffy simply stared at them__and hugged Mr. Gordo. _

_The blonde sat down, "Come on, luv, I don't bite." He smirked and the girl behind him giggled. _

_She thought about it for a moment, "I'm not supposeta talk to strangers." _

"_Well, my name's Spike. See, now you know me. We are just here to find something to eat." Spike flashed his teeth. _

_Buffy smiled back. She guessed it was alright. "Buffy and this is Mr. Gordo! You have a funny name. My neighbor's dog is named Spike too!" _

"_That's very funny. This is Dru." He turned to look at the woman behind him, who had gone suddenly still. "Luv? What's wrong?"_

_The woman named Dru began to sway, "The stars don't like her…they say she's bad. Very, very, bad."_

_He looked at her and then looked back at Buffy, "She's just a little girl."_

"_No! The stars say danger for us, Spike…I see light, such a bright white light…all around you because of her." Dru's hands covered her eyes. "Such a bright light around you…too bright…it burns, her touch will burn you…set to flame…the earth is shaking around you…then…gone. Poof. Dust." Dru glared at Buffy who had risen from the picnic table and begun to back away._

"_BUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joyce was running at full speed towards her daughter who was crying as the dark haired woman's eyes watched her narrowly. Buffy did not like this woman. She scared her. The blue eyed man looked confused._

_Spike looked quickly at Dru, "Did you want to grab the bit and go? You said you wanted to feed."_

_Dru's eyes were glazed over, "Bad, bad taste in my mouth. The stars are screaming 'no'."_

_The couple ran off deeper into the carnival leaving Buffy alone by the table. Joyce caught up to her daughter once they were out of sight. "Are you okay? Buffy? Did they hurt you? Honey, what happened? Buffy?" Joyce rapidly asked questions and all Buffy could do was stand there and watch the place where the man left. "Buffy?"_

_Buffy wiped her eyes and turned to her mother as she looked her up and down, "Where's my corndog?"_

_Joyce let out a sigh of relief and hugged her daughter, showering kisses on her head and cheeks. _

_**TBC**_


	2. A Saturday Afternoon

Disclaimer: I don't not now or ever have any rights to the characters or the verse Joss has created; I am simply here to entertain.

Author's Note: Set after Hell Bell's in Season 6. Completley AU from there.

I have decided to flesh it out and see where this story takes me, I have some ideas. The first few chapters are going to be memory based, but I am slowly going to add more and more of the present.

**Chapter 2: A Saturday Afternoon: **

I awoke with a start from the dream that I had. It seemed so real, almost too real. More like a memory than a dream, but that is impossible. The first time I ever saw Spike I was 16, almost 17. Not 6. Yet, every detail about the dream was so vivid and true.

I remember bits and pieces of that day and it all seemed to fit. My mother was so afraid later…even more afraid towards when we were going to leave.

I felt this feeling that I was missing something from that night, something to clear out the jumbled mess of glimpses and flashes of what I remember. More than anything, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that this is the only time I had forgotten, but that was impossible.

Maybe I had just put Spike and Drusilla in the place of someone else…though that wouldn't explain everything they said. It seemed too perfect to be a dream, too real.

I glanced over at the clock on the dresser and saw that it was still early to get up just yet. No light came from behind the curtains and the house was dead quiet. I turned on the bedside lamp and took the picture in my hands.

I felt a chill run down my spine as I took a closer look at the picture. Though I could see no face, in the far distance, in a crowd, was a platinum blonde man in black with a brunette walking in the opposite direction.

It was just a coincidence, it just had to be. I felt a little tired as my mind couldn't process what it all meant. I laid back down, my head resting on my pillow and succumbed to sleep once again.

* * *

_Buff's hair was a bit longer than before, though she still looked about six. It was her favorite day of the week as there was no school, her mother got to leave the gallery earl, and her father was off from work…usually. _

_She sat sitting in the big sand box that held a large jungle jim and playground with about a dozen other kids running and screaming around, while their parents all sat and watched. _

_She turned to look at her parents, but felt tears well up in her eyes as she did. Her father had his phone in his hand probably after talking on it, while he yelled at her mother in the distance. They seemed to do that a lot. Yell. She didn't like it at all. _

_When she saw the other mommies and daddies they would be smiling and laughing or holding hands, but not her parents. She had asked her mother why they got angry, but all she said was "it is not your fault"._

_Buffy stood up from where she was sitting and ran over to the tree close by. She didn't like when her parents fought and it only made her more upset. She was in the shade a few yards from the playground, but her parents didn't even notice. They just kept on fighting._

_She looked around as tears swam in her eyes, a few escaping falling down her cheeks. She saw the other little kids playing, a man walking his dog across the street, and two teenagers coming out of a nearby store. _

_What caught her attention most was a glimpse of the almost white hair she had seen only once before in a close-by alley. She found herself walking over to the alley across the street. She knew she shouldn't cross the street without an adult, but she had to go see the man with the bright hair. She knew his name was Spike, she still thought it was funny that he was named after a dog._

_She was a little bit afraid of the man, but that was a month ago and she remembered how nice he was and how pretty his eyes were. She stood at the edge of the road for a minute or so, watching the cars pass in both directions. _

_She was nervous at crossing the street by herself, she had never done it before, but she knew that she had to look both ways. It seemed simple enough. _

_Buffy glanced up one last time to see the man called Spike, just to check if he was still in the shadow filled alley way. _

_When she looked at him, his head perked up and his eyes and features seemed to morph. Before, he had been the scary monster she had seen in her dreams, the one that same after her, but then he switched to the man she had seen at the carnival, with the pretty blue eyes…not the scary yellow ones._

_Buffy smiled and waved at the man, though he didn't wave back, but looked a little shocked and surprised. Maybe it was because he hadn't seen her in a long time or maybe it didn't expect to see her here. _

_She heard a sound from behind her…someone calling her name. She turned back and looked and saw her parents in the distance running towards her screaming her names. Buffy knew that her mommy didn't like the man she met at the carnival and knew when her mother told her dad that he was angry too, but she really wanted to see him. _

_Buffy turned, ignoring her parents, and smiled again at Spike who was still standing there, but this time he was smiling though it seemed more scary than happy. _

_She glanced to the right before crossing the street, all the rules her mom had told her forgotten, as her goal was on the man she had seen that one night. She took a step out on the street and walked forward, oblivious to the cars heading towards her. _

_Buffy heard her parents screams become more frightened, so stopped in the middle of the street and turned to look, but what she saw was a large truck heading straight towards her._

_The breath left her, but still she managed to let out a piercing scream as she stood frozen in place watching the truck speeding towards her. _

_She felt someone pick her up and was run so fast, Buffy though it was a car. When she opened her eyes to see where the sizzling noise was coming from, she saw Spike standing with her in the shaded alley. His eyes were flickering from the pretty blue to yellow and smoke was rising from his skin and from his clothes. It was coming from his hair which made him look really funny, so Buffy began to giggle. _

_Spike's eyes stayed blue as she began to laugh, but were cold as ice, though she could see the corner of his mouth start to rise. _

"_You look funny, Spikey." She giggled as he frowned and seemed to growl, just like the dog next door. _

"_The name is Spike, pet." He kneeled down next to her and held her arms. "What were you bloody thinkin' when you walked out in the middle of the street! You could 'ave been killed!" _

_Tears began to form in her eyes as Spike began to yell at her. Though, as she cried, his grip loosened and his face became softer. _

"_Didn' want to make you cry, luv. You jus' got to be careful is all."_

_She nodded her head and hugged him around his neck, smelling the strong scent of smoke and something that she didn't know, though it smelled just like her dad smelled sometimes when he came home from work. _

_Spike tensed as the little girl hugged her and awkwardly patted her back, trying to comfort her. However, he could her parent's screams as they got closer and closer. "Sorry, pet, gotta run. Be careful now." He made a dash towards deeper in the alley, but turned around when he heard her mousy voice. _

"_Bye Spikey." She waved and smiled, though she seemed a little upset. _

_He was going to correct her, but after looking at her face he just smiled. "Bye, luv." Spike turned and ran deeper into the shadows leaving the little girl behind._

_Buffy watched him go and turned around to see her parents running closer to her. _

**_TBC_**

Reviews help me catch my elusive muse!


	3. A Casual Meeting

Disclaimer: I don't not now or ever have any rights to the characters or the verse Joss has created; I am simply here to entertain.

Author's Note: Set after Hell Bell's in Season 6. Completely AU from there.

I am a very bad author who really needs to update faster instead of waiting months due to busy schedules. Sorry!!!

**Chapter 3: A Casual Meeting: **

I again woke up startled as my dream hit me. Why was this happening to me? I knew that these dreams couldn't be real, they were just dreams. They had to be something left over from their relationship, if you could even call it that.

Though, why would they show Spike like this? His face of when he said goodbye flashed through my mind. He was smiling, one of those true genuine smiles that I saw on a few occasions…then I crushed it the second I opened her mouth.

I was enraged, not by him, but by myself. I was a truly horrible person for playing with his emotions like that, for using him…Then at the same time, he used me. Maybe not to the extent I did, but still just the same. No. I knew how he felt about me and I played it to my advantage.

I quickly shot out of bed and through on some clothes, going as fast as I could to get ready. I didn't notice till I was half way through the cemetery that I had my shirt on backwards. Luckily, it was just a plain green t-shirt because though they feel uncomfortable, not many people notice if it's on the wrong way.

I would have quickly switched it, but it was daylight and there were people coming to pay their respects to their loved ones all around me. I got lost in the contrast between what I see here every night and what I rarely saw in the daytime. Just another reason why I could never have a normal life. I had seen too much.

I saw his crypt up ahead and I stopped. Somehow, I was paralyzed and couldn't move. Instead, I just stood there frozen in place, looking at the entrance. What was I thinking? I knew that I shouldn't be here. What was I going to do, say 'Hey, Spike, I know you tried to kill me when we first met, but did you try to save me when I was six and let me call you Spikey?' Yeah, that would go over well.

I was turned around, but then I marched back to his door, ready to kick it in when I stopped myself. Things were going to change. I was going to change. Though it took me another five minutes, I managed to reach out and knock on the crypt's door. It took me another five minutes to realize that he was probably sleeping. It was daylight after all.

I gently pushed open the door and looked inside. Everything was the same besides a handful of Jack Daniels lying on the ground by the chair. I smiled as I crept inside taking in everything for what seemed like the first time.

Everything about the place was Spike, even if they were only a few decorations here and there, all of it was Spike. In all my times in this place, I never stopped to look.

Spike must be downstairs sleeping, so I opened the hatched and climbed down. I smiled as I watched him sleep. His chest rose with all the unnecessary breathes he took, even when he was asleep. Just a few weeks ago, I would have woken him up, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It would probably scare the heck out of him if I stayed, yet I didn't want to leave. There was a scary peace that filled the room; almost as if that the world outside of these walls didn't exist. I sat on the other side of him on the bed, careful not to disturb him. The bed was soft, though there was firmness to it that I hadn't realized till then. This bed was comfy for something he probably picked up from the junkyard or stole.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was laying down right next to him and drifted to sleep, before my mind could protest the actions of my heart.

_Buffy smashed her mashed potatoes with her fork. She was out with her parents and her sister to dinner, though Dawn was only one, drooling in her high chair. Buffy was seven years old and the only reason they were out was that her mother was tired of cooking. _

_They were at a casual place where they served seafood, seafood, and more seafood. The eyes on the fish were so creepy, that Buffy just got shrimp and mashed potatoes, which were horrible. _

"_Buffy, stop playing with your food." Her dad gave her a look and went back to the conversation with her mother. She pouted and put down her fork. She was bored out of her mind. She couldn't run around or go a watch T.V, but was forced to wait until they were ready to go. Hopefully, they wanted dessert. It was the only thing she ever looked forward to when they went out to eat, but she really wanted to go home. _

"_I have to go to the bathroom." Buffy got out of her chair and nodded as her mother pointed in the direction of the bathrooms. Her mother stopped taking her after she through a fuss that she was a big girl and could go by herself. _

_The bathrooms were right near the entrance. She looked out and she saw a few swings in the distance. She wouldn't even have to cross the road; she just had to walk on the side walk. Buffy knew that she shouldn't, but she was just so bored! Buffy slipped between the entering group, so no one would see and ran to the swings. _

_There were just two of them. She leaped on the one on the right and began to swing. Buffy knew she would have to go back eventually, but she had waited in enough lines to the bathroom to know that it took awhile. Her mother was patient, but Buffy had complained and tapped her foot the entire time. _

"_My, my, my, look what we have here." Buffy skidded to a stop on the swing and jumped out. She ran over to Spike and hugged him around the waist. _

"_Spikey! I have not seen you in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very-"_

_Spike covered her mouth with his hand. "Yes, a long time." The corners of his lips turned up as she nodded. _

_Buffy grabbed his hands and led him over to the swings. She hopped on. "Push me!" He looked torn, but shook his head and decided to push her. He pushed her with a gently push, but she was already going faster and higher than she had ever been. She giggled each time she came back down as she turned around and tried to kick him. _

"_Well, aren't you a feisty one." Spike just smiled at her, catching her legs each time she did it, causing her to giggle even more and try even harder. She turned to kick him again, but this time he didn't try to catch her and let her get him. _

_Buffy laughed even harder as he mocked being hurt and fell to the ground, lying on his back. She hopped off the swing once she slowed down a bit and ran over to Spike. She looked at him and saw that he looked like he was sleeping. _

_She covered her mouth to try to stifle her giggles as she crept over to him; all the while a tiny corner of his mouth was up. She jumped on his stomach, causing him to shoot up and pull her legs down and tie them so that she was sitting Indian style on his chest. _

"_Hey!" She tried to squirm, but she couldn't get loose, so she finally gave up and pouted. "No, fair. You are bigger than me."_

_Spike began to melt at the sight of her pout and big puppy dog eyes, but he quickly shook it away. "Life's not fair, kitten. Plus, I seem to recall a certain someone who just jumped on me."_

_She smiled and tried to mock his accent. "Life's not fair, dog."_

"_Hey, watch it with the dog comments. I am not a bloody household pet."_

_She giggled. His eyes widened as she got off of him, but instead, lay at his side with her head on his chest. He was frozen in place as this little girl was curling up next to him. Spike didn't know what was coming over him. He would have killed this girl in a heartbeat, but here she was. He had the perfect opportunity for three times, yet she still lived. _

_Spike glanced at the girl who was laying on him and just smiled. She wasn't afraid like other kids would be of him and grew on him. He had a soft spot for her. Spike didn't understand why, he just did. There was something so familiar about her and the strength that she radiated, despite the fact that she was about 6 or 7 years old. _

"_Spikey?" Her sleepy head turned to look at him. "You're not going to leave me again for a very long time are you?"_

_Spike shrugged. "I go around a lot pet, I don't stay in the same place very much."_

_Tears began to form in her eyes, which made his heart melt. "But, I will try." She smiled at the and squeezed him as she went back to sleeping on his chest._

"_I love you, Spikey."_

_Spike just took one glance at the little girl and smiled, _

"_Luv, you too, pet." _

_**TBC**_

Reviews? Yes?


	4. My Soul

_Disclaimer:__ I don't not now or ever have any rights to the characters or the verse Joss has created; I am simply here to entertain._

_Author's Note:__ Thanks again for all the reviews! I apologize again for not updating. Testing and the remainder of school have taken complete control over my life, but summer is almost here so I will try to get more posted on every story soon. _

_This is a short chapter, but I thought by waking her up or giving you another dream that it would ruin it, so for now I hope you like this as much as I loved writing this. _

**Chapter 4: My Soul**

I felt a tingling in the back of my neck as my thoughts regained their consciousness. It was a familiar feeling I had for awhile during my…relationship with Spike. There was the sense I had when a vampire was near, but with Spike there was a similar yet different feeling all together. I sensed him. Not the vampire, but him. This was the feeling I got when he was watching me.

After we would sleep together, sometimes we would both fall asleep from exhaustion and I would awake with the same feeling. Just like he was doing now, he would watch me until I woke up. Sometimes he would brush a stray hair out of my face or run his fingers down my arm in the softest way to not disturb me. I would often just linger, letting him think I was asleep and bath in the feeling of the love and affection he bestowed upon me.

I just realized how much I had missed this. I thought back to the dream I just had and realized that we were in a similar position. I thought about what we said to each other.

Love. I felt a small pang in my chest, not a painful one, but a feeling that shocked me. I could feel the beginnings of love when I thought of him.

I couldn't though…love him. He was a vampire and I was a slayer. He couldn't love.

Then I felt his fingertips graze me arm and a light kiss brush my forehead. It was these little things that made me doubt with every fiber of my being that he was incapable of loving me. Spike would touch me or look at me in a way that made me feel how much he cared. I think that is what scared me the most. Riley showed the emotions, but not to the extent of Spike. And Angel…when I knew the love was there, but I never felt it or saw it in everything he did.

I could feel the arguments against this feeling stirring within my mind, a silent plea for me to get up and bolt, but a stronger part of me made me snuggle closer. I could hear his breath catch as he stiffened and then immediately relax, taking a deep breath. A sigh of relief.

He began to run his fingers through my hair and I felt him watching me. I realized I would give anything to stay like this. In his arms, I was the little girl who was able to love so openly, to not look at the world in black or white or scrutinize her actions with her past, but to just let herself be run by her feelings.

"I love you." Spike whispered so softly it was barely audible. "I 'ave missed you, pet." He began to laugh silently. "Look at me. Talkin' to you while you are sleeping." I could almost picture him shaking his head. He caressed my cheek causing me to shiver. "I wish you could see yourself. How beautiful you are…how peaceful. I would give up forever just for you to stay like this. At peace. Not fretting 'bout the next big bad or worrying 'bout your friends. I'd give up eternity for you. Hell, I would suffer in any hell dimension for eternity for you."

I could feel the tears form behind my eyes. He was speaking so softly, trying not to wake me and oblivious to the fact I already was. I could feel the vulnerability and I ached when I thought of what I put him through.

"You can't imagine how hard it's been not seein you. I miss waking up to you in my arms, even if you were to run off the second you wake up. I want to be able to be the one you went to for comfort. And I'm not jus' talkin 'bout the sex…I want to be the one who protects you. You protect your friends and kid sis, even complete strangers, but there is no one to look out for you. I wish that you didn' 'ave to be so strong all the time. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be able to be at peace, to do somethin' for you."

"As much as I hate to say it…you deserve so much better than me. I can love you more than any other bloke on this Earth, but I know that love isn't enough. The guy you need is the one who can take you out of the darkness, not the one who brings you closer to it. I know that. 'm being selfish. You will never know how much just being in the same room as you means to me. I feel alive when I am with you and closer to death when you're gone. Right here, right now, with you in my arms, must be like what heaven felt like to you because I can't envision anything better than this."

"I would do anythin' you asked of me. I'm love's bitch and a bloody ponce when it comes to you. You make me feel more alive than I could ever be and I only wish that I could give you the same. I know you will probably never love me, Buffy, but I can't stay away. I've tasted perfection and I'm not bloody strong enough to let you go. If it is what you wanted I would though…even it was for someone like the Poofter. I'd be happy knowing that you were happy because that's all I 'ave ever wanted. When you smile, the Earth seems a little bit brighter."

I felt his tears drop on my cheek and his finger gently brush it away. I felt the air leave my being as I tried not to cry. I didn't want to wake up. I knew it all would end if I did.

"I need you more than anything. I just wish that you knew. I've told you I loved you, but I don' think you get that I'm nothing without you. I am just empty and cold. I am dead inside. But when you're near I get a touch at life. I see you when you are happy and you are more alive than anyone I know. And just when I thought I couldn' love you more, I do. I know with every ounce of my being that it's true. I don't need a soul to feel what I feel for you. I have you."

"You are my soul."

_**TBC**_


	5. Birthday

Disclaimer: I don't not now or ever have any rights to the characters or the verse Joss has created; I am simply here to entertain.

Author's Note:_ Ah, a new chapter. I really hope you enjoy this update! I am currently working on an original fiction story and the first chapter is on . It is called Dreamer and my pen name there is Trinity Sophia Reynolds! Please, go check it out and tell me what you think. Plus, enjoy this new chapter._

**Chapter 5: Birthday**

Spike had gone quiet and his actions stilled. He had fallen asleep again. I could feel my eyes start to close again. It seemed that all I did during the past day or two was sleep, but I didn't care. I wanted to dream.

* * *

"_Elizabeth Anne Summers!" Joyce was standing in the opening of her bedroom looking down on her eight year old daughter. Buffy was wearing a light blue dress with her hair in a ponytail. _

_Buffy looked up guiltily as she took her hands of the dozens of presents that she had pulled from under the bed. She tried to give an innocent smile, but her mother stood firm. _

"_Buffy, you are going to open these presents up at the party! Why on Earth would you try to get into them now?"_

_Buffy shrugged. "I was curious…."_

_Joyce sighed. "Go finish getting ready. Some of your friends have already started to arrive."_

_Her eyes lit up and she jumped up. "Who Mommy? Who?" She ran down the hallway not stopping to wait for her mother's answer, too excited to see who was here. She stopped however and turned back to her room. She wanted to show off the pretty necklace her aunt had sent her. _

_Her eyebrows scrunched together as she saw an object lying on her floor. It was close by the window, almost as if someone tossed it in. She began to smile and ran over to it. Lying on the floor was a black spiked dog collar with the name Spike on the tag. Buffy hugged it lose and began jumping up and down. _

_A few months ago the same thing happened, but it usually had a note. He told her that if he was in town he would through this in her room if the window was open to tell her that he was here. She kept her window open every night after that. Sometimes he even left a small pull down ladder that she used to get out of her window with. She knew that sneaking out of the house was bad and dangerous, but she always wanted to see him. _

_Since that first time, Spike had come to see her only about 6 times. He would take her to the park a lot of the times and play with her. He would ask her what she has been doing and he would tell stories of where he had been and what those places were like._

_Spike always tried to scare her too with tales of vampires and demons, plus of girls who fought them. They were called slayers. When she asked if he fought with the slayers to help beat the bad things, he smiled and said 'Yes, I fight with them. I've fought with two of them before.', but his voice was a bit scarier and he was smirking. _

_Buffy was so excited that she had completely forgotten about her other friends. She couldn't wait for them to meet Spike. The collar must have meant that he was coming to her party. It was going to be the best birthday ever. _

_

* * *

__Buffy had waited for two whole hours and no Spike. Her party was almost ending; all that was left was the presents and cake. They had played fun games and ate pizza, but it would have been more fun if he was there. Her friends laughed and said that he was just an imaginary friend and that she didn't have a real big guy friend. _

"_Buffy, come on we are opening presents!" She ran over to her mother and sat in the chair that had 5 different color balloons attached to it. It was the Birthday Girl's chair. _

_Joyce held out the first present wrapped in pink wrapping paper with a yellow bow. Joyce looked at the side and smiled as she handed it to her eager daughter. "This one is from Meredith."_

_Buffy ripped the paper off and held up her new Ice Skater Barbie. "THANK YOU!!" Buffy hugged the new doll, but quickly put it to the side grabbing the next one in her sights. _

_15 presents later, there was all, but one left. She had gotten some cassettes, some cute dresses, some more dolls and toys, and she even got her own mini dress-up kit. _

_The last one was wrapped in dark black paper and had a shiny silver bow that reflected the light. There was a smaller present on top of a bigger one with the bow tired around both. _

_Joyce looked at the gift and was confused. "There is no note, who gave Buffy this one?" She was met with shrugs and 'no's", but Buffy was quick as she grabbed the present and eagerly shredded the bigger box. She screamed so loud that everybody got tense._

_But, Buffy began jumping up and down screaming "Yes" as she held out what she got in the big box. It was a pair of beautiful silver skates with a pink Buffy, inscribed on the side. They were custom made ice skates. _

_Joyce's eyes widened. And a few people gasped. These skates were really expensive. Buffy held on to them as she opened up the smaller box. Inside was a beautiful necklace with a B, an S and a cross around its chain. The B & S had small sparkly dots out lining it as did the cross. _

_Joyce took the necklace and looked stunned. "These are real diamonds." A few of the moms gathered round and took a look for themselves. Buffy just smiled. She knew who this was from. If it wasn't for the S, the cross would have given it away. Spike always said she should wear one and to not let dark scary people into the house. She asked why and he said that they were dangerous. The look in his eyes made her believe it. _

_Joyce thought hard and just assumed that made a relative had sent it or Hank had bought it as a treat for her, but it still didn't explain the S…or the cross. _

_Buffy took the necklace and asked her mom to put it on her, and she quickly complied. It fit perfectly for her and inside the box was another silver chain, but it was bigger. Probably for when she was older. _

"_I want cake!" Buffy giggled and her and her friends began chanting cake until Buffy's mom had brought it out, which their chant turned into song as they sang Happy Birthday to Buffy._

"_Make a wish." Buffy closed her eyes and thought real hard on what she wanted. She smiled as she thought of her wish and blew out the candles. She wished that her and Spike would be best friends forever. Buffy couldn't image anything better. _

_

* * *

__She stayed up till 10 which was way past her bed time, but she couldn't sleep. Spike usually came earlier, which was about 8 because it was around her bed time, so she could leave while her parents thought she was asleep. _

_She heard a soft pang against the side of her house and she squealed, and then covered both hands over her mouth as she giggled. She looked out her window and waved as she saw his bright hair stand out against the darkness. Spike began to climb the side of the house._

"_Hey pet." Spike smiled as Buffy hugged him as he hung outside her window. _

_She gave him a small peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Spikey! The skates are the best gift ever!!! Plus, the necklace is so shiny and all my friends are jealous because they don't have one as shiny as this, but they laughed because I told them it was from you and you weren't at my party!!" Her lower lip turned into a pout and he sighed._

"_Come on." He turned around, so she could climb on his back. One he was sure he was on and he had a good hold on her, he dropped to the ground landing skillfully on his feet. He gently let her down. He kneeled down and held her hands. "You know I couldn't go pet. I have sun allergies." _

_She played with the sand with her foot as she looked down. "I know, but I thought maybe you could because it was my birthday."_

"_And why would I be able to then." He raised an eye brow as he watch her sigh and look up at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. _

"_Duh, silly. It is only the most important day of the entire year." She rolled her eyes, which caused Spike to burst out laughing. _

"_Of course, I was a ponce to think otherwise." He stood up and held out his hand to her which she eagerly took. _

"_So, Spikey, what are we going to do for my birthday?" They strolled down the streets together. _

"_I have a very special surprise that I think you might like." Spike smiled, but his eyes were skimming the surrounding area as he was on watch the entire time. Especially, as they headed out into more downtown L.A. He knew he shouldn't bring her, but he knew that she would want to see this. _

_Buffy giggled and when he looked down she tried really hard to purse her lips. "Are we there yet?"_

_Spike sighed. Each time he had taken her anywhere, even to the park she would start a game of are we there yet. As much as he thought it was cute, it was also bloody annoying. He stopped when he heard a distant crash. He listened closer and smiled."Yes we are."_

_He held his fingers over his lips to show her that she need to be quiet and she nodded as she pretend to lock her mouth and gave the key to him, causing him to silently chuckle. They crept down the alleyway and he stopped her right before an opening where they could hear the sounds of a fight._

_Spike knelt down and whispered in her ear. "Remember all those stories about all those girl slayers and monsters I told you about."_

_Buffy nodded eagerly. _

"_Well, I am about to show you one." Spike smiled as her face lit up. She wasn't like normal little girls. They would have screamed at the chance of meeting a monster or the girl who fought them, but here this little one stood waiting impatiently to look around the corner. _

_They both looked around the corner to see a larger vampire being thrown into a wall by a talk brunette. She kicked him in the stomach sending him doubling over and when he rose she jabbed her stake directly into the heart, causing the vampire to turn to dust. _

_Buffy's eyes were like saucers as she watched the vampire disappear. She poked Spike who had been watching her reaction. "I've never seen that this close before." She hugged him tightly and whispered, "This is the best birthday ever."_

_Spike furrowed his brow. He pulled her away from him and kneeled down so he could look at her. "What do you mean by this close? You've seen the slayer before."_

_Buffy smiled and nodded. "That's Jamie." It was Spike's turn to stare in shock. "I've seen lots of them. Some are like her while others are blonde like me. Some are from all different parts of the world. Like different countries and things."_

_Spike's grip on her tightened just a bit on her as he absorbed what she was saying. "How did you see these pet."_

_Buffy shrugged. "I've always dreamt about them. I've seen you before to." Her hand ran through his hair. "One time you didn't have as bright hair. You were scary then. You seemed mean. Plus, your face was all messed up." Then she began to giggle a bit. "You were pretty scary another time, but you had ladies make-up on your eyes so I thought you were funny."_

_Spike's jaw throbbed as he tried to remain calm. That was what was different about her. She was a potential slayer. Years from now, he would be the thing she hunted, if she ever got called. She would be the one to, his Buffy. She was brave and strong even at such a young age. She would be deadly as a slayer. A goddess. _

"_Come on pet, I got to get you home."_

"_Can't we stay out a little longer…please please with a cherry on top?" She looked at him with such big eyes. Usually he would cave, but right now he had a lot to think about. _

_Spike took her hand as they walked back to her house. "Sorry pet, not tonight."_

"_Did I do something wrong? You seem mad."_

_Observant too. She really would be an amazing slayer. Spike stopped and turned to look at her. "It's not your fault pet. You did absolutely nothing wrong." You can't control your destiny. She was too young to even have to think about what could lie in her future. "I'm just a grumpy old man."_

_She giggled and pulled him along to keep going. "You're not old. Old men smell funny and are all wrinkly."_

_This caused Spike to half-smile. If only she really knew what he was and how old he actually was. They reached her house and he hoisted her up on his back as he climbed the side of her house. She hoped off back in her room, but hugged him tightly. _

"_I'll miss you."_

"_Me too pet, me too."_

_He turned to go, but her voice stopped him. "Spike, you are my bestest friend. We will be friends forever won't we?" _

_Spike felt a tug at his chest. She was so innocent now, but she had no idea what forever truly meant…or even where they would be in possibly just a few years. Spike kissed her forehead and took a long last look. _

"_Forever."_

_**TBC**_

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